A Star is Born!

>> Saturday, February 20, 2010

Walker had his 4th Grade Program today and he had a speaking part. Nothing can make a Mom beam like watching her son shine in the spotlight!! It was so fun to watch him deliver his lines about patriotism to our nation! :) He did GREAT!

(disclaimer...dark cafeteria/tight zoom=fuzzy pictures) :P

I have to admit this was my favorite program yet. Those 4th graders really practiced hard and it showed. :) Some of these shindigs can be really tough to sit through..but these guys did a terrific job!

Our "Star"! :D



>> Friday, February 19, 2010

I was reading one of the blogs I follow this morning and the gal posted a link to a website for a photo contest about Moms. I was scanning picture after picture and then my heart just turned to mush and my eyes filled with tears...

I'm continually amazed at how my Father in Heaven knows me so personally and knows how to speak to my heart. I've loved taking pictures since I was young. I love capturing life and having those memories forever. Journaling, scrapbooking, all of it!! And so for an intimate moment between my Heavenly Father to come through photos just meant that much more to me today. For several months now I've been feeling like a grumpy, irritable, cranky Mom. The daily grind has been getting to me.

I hear my friends gush over how much they love their kids ( I love mine too don't get me wrong..but it's been a challenge). Hearing them say how they 'love' to do every mundane activity with them every single day, day in and day out, as if life is like one big fluffy cloud of cotton candy was really bothering me.

I've been struggling to keep up with all the demands on my time. I have family situations that overwhelm me (my own and extended), and financial obligations that weigh on my mind. My calling that keeps me at continual meetings, out on visits to women's homes, teaching class upon class, and in a state of constant preparation for upcoming lessons. (Again..I love my calling..it's just been a challenge). My house is in what should be declared as a "State of Emergency" because tornadoes hit hourly. The shopping has to be done...but I can't just go to 1 store I have to hit at least 3! The kids come home from school and then a whole new wave of 'jobs' have to get done..mostly me making sure they get theirs done. It is a continuous state of nagging and following behind them even though they are aware of what needs to be done, cuz they have a handy little chart I made them in "hope" it would end the nagging but......you get it....

So back to the purpose of this post. It really wasn't to rant about all the things I have to get done in a day. This post is about "Recognizing". Today through a very unexpected way my Heavenly Father 'recognized' me. Looking at the faces of all those beautiful, strong, intelligent, tired, overworked, juggling masters of Mothers I started to see myself. I looked at the way one of the mothers had fallen asleep on the couch holding her baby in a papoose him being asleep as well. Oh!... I remember those days ...of never ending feedings, diaper changes, and spit up. I looked at the mom sitting on the couch with her two boys and a baby girl dressed up in their Sunday Best and Dad was probably behind the camera capturing that moment of cleanliness just for Mom. The photo of the Mom sitting and talking with her Mom/Grandma in the living room talking about common interests, the weather, and sharing their lives with each other touched my heart so tenderly. There were sooo many wonderful photos capturing Motherhood. As I kept scrolling through them and studying them and really 'looking' at those Mother's faces I saw what I needed to see..

A photo of a Mother with tears in her eyes holding her brand new baby. Are her tears of happiness? Fear? Joy? Exhaustion? All of the above???? Her expression I feel is all of the above. It reminded me that we are all together in this journey we call Motherhood. Some travel a little easier through it than others..but the road is pretty much the same. The unedited emotion on her face reminded me of how I felt as a young Mom...and now almost 10 years under my belt those feelings are generally the same. As Mothers we are all just trying to figure it out.

I know this 'season' is just that.... a 'season'...I need to remember to enjoy it all while I can. Life is complicated for sure..but I need to remember my focus are my children. I need to put them in the forefront and concentrate on the positives they bring into this world with them. I do love them dearly. I waited a very long time to be a Mother. There was even a period of time we wondered if we would ever have children of our own. We were scared and had many heart wrentching experiences trying to bring those little rays of sunshine here to Earth. I hope they know how much I love them and I hope that I haven't led anyone to believe otherwise with this post. Just some days are tougher than others to remember it's fun to try scrub nail polish off your 3 year old's lips cuz she thought it was lip-gloss! :P

I love you Eli, Alayna & Walker! :)



Feeling the Call

>> Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I'm starting to feel the 'Call'...

I want to find a way that I can help my family by bringing in extra income. I have several ideas that have potential, but I'm struggling with logistics over each.

I guess that just means I need to pray over them more. I'll keep you posted...


Happy Valentine's Day

>> Sunday, February 14, 2010

Just wanted to wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day! :)


Jack- Pot!

>> Thursday, February 11, 2010

I "L-O-V-E" it when something at first seems like it's going to be a challenge turns into a great blessing!!

You see, the boys love piano...and I of course love that they love piano!! But in the past few years we've been going through teachers like flies cuz they keep getting married and moving away on us! LOL!! Good for them ... not so good for us having to find replacements. I guess that's what you get when you hire really cute, smart, religious girls that just graduated High School! :)

So this week I've been on the "hunt". I'm happy to report we will be using one of my good friends from church. She's already married so I'm hoping to stick with her a while. Hahaha! Best of all..she lives in my neighborhood so the boys can just ride their bikes over to her house. But even better than all that...she will be saving us $$ on lessons!!! WoooHoooo!!! I can't tell you how happy that makes me! It's like I hit the jackpot!

Happy Day! :)


Mom Called

>> Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I got a phone call from my Mom today....

It seems like since my Grandmother (her Mom) Dohner passed away from brain cancer when I was 11 years old (22 years ago) my Mom's health has steadily been declining. My Grandma was my Mom's best friend, and with her passing it hit my Mom VERY hard. So much so, that she couldn't get out of bed for over 3 months because her back went out.

She got better and was able to go back to work. But I remember vividly that time when my Grandma passed away. The woman I knew and called Mom disappeared and became someone else. Even though she physically was able to mend, emotionally she's never fully recovered.

Since my oldest son Walker was born 9.5 years ago she's since retired from Motorola because of her back issues and receives disability checks. In the past 5 years she's been diagnosed with Fibromialgia, Diverticulitis, Degenerative Disc Disease, and Osteoarthritis. And last year she was diagnosed with Diabetes.

Today...she received a phone call from the Dr. with her latest results on some blood tests she's had. They have diagnosed her with Lupus.... There is no cure for Lupus. It's an autoimmune disease. It attacks your body's own tissues and organs. Inflammation caused by Lupus can affect many different body systems, including your joints, skin, kidneys, blood cells, heart and lungs. It can be managed with certain drugs (typically steroids)...but left untreated can lead down a very painful road.

About 2 weeks ago she went in and they told her her platelets were low and started her on antibiotics. That Sunday I came to see her..as is our Sunday Tradition...and when I hugged her she felt really warm. It felt like she might have a low grade fever. I mentioned it to her and she said she hadn't been feeling well and she seemed pretty tired.

With the diagnosis of Lupus on top of her already long list of illnesses I'm really worried. My Mom has had a very hard life. And with that has come some rather negative 'coping' habits. She smokes and she over eats. She's in pain constantly and so exercising doesn't really appeal to her and smoking calms her nerves. However, if she doesn't make some changes in her life-style it will increase her symptoms and bring on more complications. If she doesn't take care of herself and stay on top of this it can lead to her death. The 2 most common causes of death for people with Lupus are overwhelming infection and kidney failure.

It's hard watching her suffer and seeing her in pain everyday. She's not just tired..she's exhausted! Keeping up with all the Dr. appointments, medications, therapies, lists of do's and dont's, special diets, more doctor visits....on and on...she just wants to be well again. I want it for her too......I love her. She is my Mom and my best friend.

There has been a series of events the past month that have made me really step back and assess what the future holds for my Mom. I won't go into too many details but they are concerning. It has opened my eyes to things I need to start thinking about as my parents age. I feel like I'm too young to be having to think about this stuff...I'm only 33. However, my Mom was only 37 when my Grandma passed away. My Grandma was 57 years old when she died. My Mom will be 60 on March 9th of this year. Thinking about these numbers makes me really think hard about the future...it is slowly coming upon me.

My mind at times starts to race with questions and concerns...Who will take care of them? What if Dad isn't able to work anymore..where will they live? Do I need to become more involved in their day to day dealings so that if need be, I can step in and take over those responsibilities? I don't know....

Right now all I can do is pray. Pray for her to be strong and stay strong mentally and physically. Pray that she won't allow this newest diagnosis to spiral her into depression. Pray that she will 'want' to fight and get treatment. Just pray!!


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